I still cannot believe that I have lost as much weight as I have so quickly and how much better I feel. I was up at 5:30am today, ready to get moving and I’ve NEVER been a morning person!
I need to get a few things off my chest. I enjoy the compliments I’ve been getting about my weight but I also loathe them at the same time. It’s nice to be noticed, but I also hate attention and have a difficult time trusting compliments. It all just seems so superficial. Now, with this weight loss I am starting to deal with another emotion which I knew I would have to face eventually…fear. I ended up having a real pity party for myself most of the morning.
My weight has been a part of my identity since I was little and I have hidden behind my weight for way too long. I have always been a quiet but somewhat social person. Nonetheless, I struggle with trusting people for several reasons which I won’t get into. It seems that on some level my weight has been a safeguard to shield myself from getting hurt by others. My fear stems from this and I'm scared that now that I am getting closer to a healthy weight I won’t know who I am anymore and will trust people even less.
Lord, give me confidence in You and help me to focus on You alone and what You think of me.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
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